Oct 6, 2018 | Balance, Bible, Christianity, Community, Faith, Family, Fear, Friends, God, Grace, Tips
Maybe this is one of those things that only some people struggle with. Like complaining about bad service or sending food back in a restaurant or wearing flowery patterns. But here’s the thing. I need help…to learn to ask for help! I recently embarked on the most terrifying, anwer-to-prayer passion project of my life, a project that I hope to be the first of many. And in the last 2 months as I have struggled to fit the rest of my overfull life around accomodating this big dream I realised, sadly, terrifyingly, that I needed help. I wish I needed to have a root canal. I wish I needed to have ducks tunnel into my scull with their beaks. I wish I needed to look after a spoilt 2 year old on a sugar high. I would rather have to do any of those things instead of having to ask for help. Is it just me?
So I’ve analysed it and here is what I have so far:
Normally when we don’t want to do something or struggle to bring ourselves to do something it’s because we think it’s going to be bad for us. Here is why we don’t want to ask for help:
Our story: We all have one. Maybe in yours, like in mine, you where praised for being independent and strong as child, or maybe in yours, like in mine, there where seasons where you realised that you needed to be responsible beyond your years because there was no one else to do what needed to be done. Family of origin can influence whether we see letting people in and asking for help as a part of normal life or as a sign of weakness, whether we view not needing anything from anyone as a definition of our value or whether we view needing help from others as being not at all connected to our sense of self. Or we may have been brought up to believe that asking for help is a weakness.
Being told you don’t actually need help: Sometimes when we try to ask for help, the response we get is one of a reframed perspective. Sometimes what we really need is a reframed perspective so yay! But sometimes what we need is help. Like, actual help. Sometimes the person we ask just ends up telling us why we shouldn’t see this as an actual problem, or telling us to just get over it. Sure, we all need a “put your big girl panties on” kinda talk from time to time, but if you’re anything like me, those panties are kinda the only ones you got and so when you do ask for help it’s usually not because you need to “woman up” to something, or because you need a pep talk, it’s because you do actually need help. But these ironically unhelpful responses to us reaching out for assistance can be the thing that keeps us from doing it again in the future.
Fear of being judged: We want to appear to be self reliant and independent. That is the be all and end all and shame on us if we appear to be dropping some balls am I right?
Fear of rejection: I don’t want to ask because what if they say no.
Pride: Pride is insidious and tricky to spot. My husband likes to call pride the “sin behind the sin”. It hides in all kinds of respectable and justifyable places. So let me save you some time and tell you what I figured out:
If I
- am covering up my shortcomings = pride
- feel an offer of help is an insult to my capabilities and it makes me prickly and hard to serve = pride
- am embarrassed and ashamed at being an inconvenience to someone when they offer to help me = pride
Needing helpforces us to admit to our shortcomings and vulnerability and exposes the lie that we have it all together – one we thought all the while everyone believed. Sure, I can call out to the Lord, He already knows I am weak and wobly. But other people don’t. I would like God on my side as my superpower behind the scenes, all the while hoping everyone thinks I am a super mom. You know like when you take all your Le Creuset dishes over to Olivia’s and they put the ready-made food right in there and you present it as your own to your dinner guests! I secretly love it when people say, I don’t know how she does it, voices tinged with awe, but mostly with envy. I know. I’m bad. But I don’t think I’m the only one!
Fear of reciprocity: I have a sibling who literally has a mortal fear of reciprocity. He can think of nothing worse than “ someone doing him a favour” and so he never asks for any. Isn’t it funny how we often measure our relationship interactions almost in an economic way. I think it’s called transactional interdependence. Also, IF we generally say yes too easily and regret it afterwards (in other words do not guard our words and motives) we are hyper aware that someone else might be similarly motivated and don’t want them to be put in that position where they can’t say no. Twisted right? And I think it’s kinda sad for us, as a human race.
Because it’s just hard ok: like I said, maybe not for everyone, but certainly for introverts. It just takes so much energy, all that explaining and answering questions, all that interacting. It seems so overwhelmingly exhausting that I’d just as soon avoid it all together.
We are all adults here, I am not trying to convince you of the benefits of kale or colonoscopies or anything, so let’s just keep this in perspective. What if I told you (and myself) that asking for help is a good thing? What if I told you what you’d be missing out on by refusing to ask for help if you need it?
Here is why it’s good to (learn to/ force yourself to) ask for help:
Because we develop courage: Vulnerability is truly brave and thanks to Brene Brown it’s also the new black. It takes allot of self-awareness and understanding to ask for help. That is not weakness ya’ll. That is courageous. It means we are aware of our strengths and our abilities and where their limits lie. That is why God said to Paul to write this down:
“My grace is always more than enough for you, and my power finds its full expression through your weakness.”
“So I will celebrate my weaknesses, for when I am weak I sense more deeply the might power of Christ living in me.” (2 Cor 12 v 9 TPT)
Because we develop community: Our recognition of the boundary of our strength in asking for help also means our recognition of the skills and strengths of others. When we ask for help we give someone an opportunity to use their strengths, to collaborate and pool resources with us, resulting in a stronger whole. How often do we say we value authenticity but we are not authentic. Because are we not most authentic when we admit to areas where we need help? Could our strong sense of independence and our preference for pretence be the reason why we struggle to develop significant
community? God wired us to need connection, to need each other. Actually refusing to ask for help stifles community. If we are not good at asking for help, we are likely not great at giving it. This is because we see other people not as they really are, but as we really are, and that drives how we relate to them. If we find our own need for help as unacceptable, we will project that same orientation onto someone else, hardening ourselves against their need the way we’ve hardened ourselves against our own.
Because we all need feedback: Feedback is good. We have to let people in. In his book PEAK, K Anders Ericsson explores the process whereby people gain expertise and become excellent. He proposes that the process of deliberate practice is the key to superior performance and one of the building blocks of deliberate practice is feedback.
Because rejection won’t kill you:I’m serious. When we ask for help and the answer is no, we need to remember that the answer is a no to our question, not a no over us as people. We tend to over personalise rejection way too much, making very”no” a definition of us instead of a response to our request or the outcome of a situation. What if the person we asked didn’t have the resources, whether mental or emotional to assist us? NO is a full sentence and just as much as we need to learn to say it we need to learn to hear it and be ok with it.
Because, reality: I know you are amazing at lots of stuff, in reality you are not amazing at everything IN. THE. WORLD. None of us know everything about everything. You are not Google. And none of us possess every skill in the world. We don’t expect that from other people, why do we expect it from ourselves.
Because, progress: Progress is good. Needing help and being unable to ask for it leaves us stuck – trapped in our own heads. Sometimes that is the one thing that is the blockage to the flow towards resolution or completion, whether the help you need is with a project or a problem. The relief of realising there is help available frees you up towards progress.
I know how hard this is Momma, for me it’s almost paralyzing. But we can’t fully realise our potential in any given calling or area if we refuse to draw on the help God offers us through others, just like limbs in the body need each other. He kinda planned it that way I heard! We not only deprive ourselves, but also others of the blessing and the redemptive work that being in service to each other brings about in us.
God is always working. If God is moving you into accepting a new challenge or opportunity and preparing something in you, could He not also be preparing someone else to assist you? Don’t miss God’s goodness and help because you are relying too much on your own!
Sep 5, 2018 | Christianity, Faith, Friends, God, Grace
I have a friend that everything comes easy for. Doesn’t everyone? That one girl who just (looks like she) breezes through life, hair that requires no blowdrying, a figure that doesn’t require calorie restriction, kids who require no bribing or threatening, a confidence that doesn’t require herculean effort and all the things/ opportunities/ experiences/ achievements I wish where a part of my life. Can you relate?
We have never been faced with more temptation to envy others than today! We know we shouldn’t give in to it, that God isn’t cool with it and that entertaining envy does not your best life make. And yet, we are not as on our guard as we should be as we assess (judge?) the lives of others and we harbour and hide thousands of tiny resentments towards others and ultimately towards God about the comparisons we are inevitably drawing. Because that is what envy is, “a feeling of discontentment and resentment aroused by another’s desirable possessions or qualities, accompanied by a strong desire to have them for oneself”. Can anyone say: “I want what she’s having!”?
I struggle with this. So much so that I had to work out some anchor points for my own weary soul that I would easily remember when my green-eyed frenemy rears its head! In those moments I need some basic tools to steady my heart and direct my thoughts.
See more clearly what you hold dearly
When you clicked to open this blog you had a particular person in mind. Someone you experience a funny twinge in your heart over. I know you don’t want to call it envy, but that is straight up what it is. I think sometimes we walk with something below the surface for so long and we never call it into the light, name it and shame it. And that is why it continues to hold sway and privately shame us.
Once we get honest about envy, the upside is that we are taking an opportunity to look with greater honesty at the condition of our hearts. Envy can bring to the surface that which we would’ve otherwise kept hidden from ourselves and God, deep desires, hopes, dreams, wishes, beliefs that maybe we’ve never even been brave enough to verbalise.
What we envy is a revelation of what we covet.
Ps 37 v 4 God gives a promise, “Make God the utmost delight and pleasure of your life, and he will provide you what you desire most”
When we rest in the promises the rest will follow.
God can give this promise because he knows that if our delight is in the right place (with Him, coveting Him above everything) our desires will be aligned as well. Because when we put Him as the object of our delight, what we desire will no longer be in competition with our affections for Him in our lives, and then “all these things will be added unto us”(Matt 6 v 33). The Bible actually makes amazing promises about what God will gift into the lives of those who make Him their object of delight and desire. Just check out Rom 8v 32/ 1 Cor 3 v 21 – 23.
When envy’s at the table, love is not able
“ Love is large and incredibly patient. Love is gentle and consistently kind to all. It refuses to be jealous when blessing comes to someone else. Love does not brag about one’s achievements nor inflate its own importance. Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect, nor selfishly seek its own honor.” 1 Cor 14 v 4- 5 TPT
Let’s be brutally honest here. You can kind of talk yourself out of envying strangers. It’s a bit removed from your life and you don’t feel directly affected by it. But it’s harder when it’s someone you are journeying with. Because the things you envy about that person is more in your face, the opportunities for comparison more consistent. Plus you care more and feel more personally affected by it as you compare her life to yours.
And when you do that, right then, you are no longer able to rejoice when she is rejoicing (too resentful to rejoice) or empathize when she is sad (because you’re happy that finally, something in her charmed life is less than ideal. Please, don’t look so shocked!).
Right then, you judge whatever you can find to judge so you can feel like at least a tiny bit like you’re a Christian, wife, mom, whatever than her.
Right then, you can no longer be in her life what she needs OR who God called you to be.
If you have a friendship where envy has been given a seat at the table, ultimately love loses and leaves. And pretty soon, if left unchecked, envy will invite malice and slander to join in to poison your heart and your friendship. And then the devil wins. I don’t want that for my friendships, do you?
When we see her as God’s creation, envy can turn to admiration
Because for all our talk of tribe and gathering and sisterhood we are all still really terrible at cheering instead of jeering, we all still battle to support other women wholeheartedly and well and honestly and authentically wishing our sisters success. For all our lipservice to the contrary, we as women remain our own biggest enemy, the self-sabotage of our own collective efforts. We are all those people and isn’t it tragic! Even more tragic for the girls we are raising!
When we envy someone, we will not, cannot acknowledge their significance and the part they are playing in God’s story. Ironically we also lose sight of our significance and our part in the story! But being genuinely happy for someone and invested in them is very freeing. The best way to do that is to
-
Pray for that person. It’s very hard to harden your heart towards someone you are praying for.
- Actively be happy for the women in your tribe. Hand out likes, hugs, compliments and support like there is more than enough to go around, because there is. Do it like it’s your job! Because it is!
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Ask God to help you see them the way He sees them. He calls us to “ regard no one in the flesh” (2 Cor 5 v 16). Holding on to God’s picture of her, will help you see her through the lens of grace.
“Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit, let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.” Gal 5 v 25 – 26
God is faithful, focus on being grateful
Ultimately, envy is a faith issue. Because we are looking at what someone else has and we are “believing” that we need that as well in order to be fully satisfied. At the root of envy is unbelief, because as we look at someone else’s life with envy we begin to lose our trust in God, our peace in our circumstances and our contentment. So ultimately it’s an expression of discontent in what we have and where we are at and a distrust that God has a plan for us. Contentment counteracts envy. This is why the Psalmist in Psalm 37 (v3 – 6) maps a path out of envy by encouraging us to:
- Keep trusting God
- Ponder His Faithfulness
- Fix your heart on His Promises
- Get validation and approval from Him
- Be honest with Him in prayer (ummm, see point1)
Own your space, run your race
Envy derails us and defiles us (Mark 7 v 20 – 23) warping our perspective and stealing our potential because we are too busy focussing on what is happening in someone else’s life. Life is no longer a journey with others, but a flat-out competition. On the outside, you might still be wearing the mask of friendship, but on the inside, even subconsciously, this person is no longer journeying with you but racing against you. And you are losing. And human nature, when we feel ourselves at the wrong end of the balance of power in a situation, is to try to restore the balance in a twisted attempt to help ourselves feel better. And soon you find yourself in a sick cycle of comparison, envy, bitterness, discontentment. Not focussing on your calling, not pursuing your purpose, not nurturing your passion, not owning where God’s placed you or the race before you. Don’t let envy steal your energy. We are all responsible for where our zeal, our passion, our energy goes. God’s zeal, his passion, is always for bringing about His purposes. Our zeal should be for the fulfillment of our calling, which is to make Him known. When our eyes are on what someone else is doing, it’s not on the work that is in front of us, and our energy leaks away!
“Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you’ve been given and then sink yourself into that (devote yourself to that!). Don’t be impressed with yourself, don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.” Gal 6 v 4 – 5
Devotion to your calling is a weapon against the distraction of envy
Whatever we envy in others we are unfit to carry ourselves, but what we honor and celebrate in others we position ourselves to receive – Lisa Bevere
If you want to be free, bend a knee
Every battle starts in prayer ya’ll. When we confess our sins He is faithful and just. When we confess our true desires that is causing envy in us, He is not surprised and His heart is always tender towards us. Envy enslaves and afflicts – but God is always fighting to keep our lives free. Join the fight by getting on your knees. It’s my prayer for all of us as women to start being the cheerleaders that we all need
Mother Teresa said when we are busy judging people, we don’t have time to love them. Maybe, just maybe, we can all believe together Mommas, that when we are busy (as in actively engaging in) loving one another, maybe we won’t have time to be so judgy?
Aug 19, 2018 | Balance, Christianity, Faith, God, Grace, Work
It was one of those typical “gym bunny” T-shirts. It read: It doesn’t get easier, you just get stronger.
It made me wonder, am I too old to roll my eyes at her? (often at the gym it takes all my considerable strength of character not to be annoyed with people. And their outfits. I’m sorry. Kind of.) It also made me wonder, ok so I know it’s true about exercise, but is it true about life?
Do you sometimes feel under a lot of pressure? Do you sometimes find the pace of your life straight up dizzying? It’s like there is just so much to do and be and get to, and remember, and on top of that so much pressure to make it seem easy and not at all messy and to serve it all up with a smile that reaches all the way to our eyes! And that’s just everyday life, that’s not even when things go wrong as they so often do. Because in between the “standard” pressures of being and doing and giving and going and providing and achieving and solving and fixing and responding that life seems to be made up of, very often a fun cocktail of circumstances, my sin, the sin of others, people, their expectation, did I mention people, and bad timing all conspire to derail this very fast moving train that is your life.
The Bible has lots to say about “pressure”. The word used in scripture denotes the crushing of grapes or olives to produce something useful, precious and lasting – i.e wine and olive oil. You often find this word in the company of other fun words like trial, affliction, suffering, and trouble. So as one continuing to hold on to the promise that God is for me, working all things for my good, and one continuing to hold out for meaning in even the most mundane or maddening parts of my life, I decided to look a little deeper, because surely there has to be some method in the madness of all this pressure!
Pressure has a process: I recently watched a reality TV programme with my boys called “The Forge”. Because when you have boys you end up watching some weird stuff on TV! The science of stupid anyone? This particular one was about blade-smiths (people who make swords and knives and stuff. No worries, I didn’t know that either). I watched a guy banging on a piece of metal and heating it up until it was glowing red hot, and then he plunged it into icy cold water, using a scientific method called “drenching”. Under these extreme conditions of temperature and yes, you guessed it, pressure, the metal becomes stronger, unbreakable. Which is what you want if you are making a sword.
The intention of the process is always to strengthen us, and the dichotomy of it all is that we are strengthened only once we understand our own weakness. Because sometimes what feels like the flat out breaking of you, is actually the making of you.
The process has a purpose:
“The crucible is for silver and the furnace is for gold, but the Lord tests the heart” Proverbs 17 v 3
When gold or silver is purified, the heat brings the impurities to the surface. That is the purpose of the process of refining. So let’s get brutally honest here for a minute. Us girls are all willfully independent and for the most part extremely capable. It takes a lot for us to experience pressure. We all, to varying degrees (yes A types I am talking to ya’ll) experience an immense internal pressure to control everything, fix everything, know everything, do everything perfectly, be all things to all people. In other words, the pressure to be God. So in a way, a lot of our perceived pressure is internal. That’s the bad news. The good news is the pressure to be all things to all people is an opportunity to learn who God really is (the one who actually is all things to all people, the who works all things for good) and who we are (not that!). Sometimes we are trying so hard to control things that are not within our control, and the pressure that desire causes is actually for the purpose of helping us realise we are not God and we can’t do His job, or our own without His help.
When we learn to rest in Christ we learn to let go of our vain attempt to be God. So when we experience pressure through different circumstances in our lives the purpose of them is actually to rid us of these divine delusions.
The impurity that must be burned out of me is most of the time my pride. And when the heat is turned up and I experience pressure, that is what bubbles to the surface. Because really, how will I ever learn to trust on, lean on, rely on God without the pressures and trails that crowd me to Him?
The pressure has a product:
God purifies that which is precious to Him. And incase you’re still not up to speed, that’s you. YOU are precious to Him!
“You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows it’s true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well developed, not defficient in any way. (James 3. v 3-4 MSG)
In the pressures you are experiencing today, be they internal or external, God is bringing forth something new. That’s kind of His jam. Like silver, like gold, like diamonds, these shaping challenges are intended to reveal in you that which was always there. God uses pressure, not as a destructive force like a forest fire, burning up everything and leaving smokey destruction behind. The Refiners fire purifies, burns away the impurities, making that which remains more valuable, durable, precious. Aren’t you glad God doesn’t abandon us in our impurity, that He promises we will go through the fire but not be burnt up (Is 43 v 2), not even have the smell of smoke on us!
So right now, as you face that pressure, that person, that deadline, that demand that threatens to push you over the edge, trust in the purifying mercy of God, don’t doubt His expertise as a refiner. Remember that even if what is happening right now feels like a bad idea, a detour, an unpleasant challenge or unwelcome interruption, if it has the potential to align you with Christ (and it always does), the process is always meaningful. Because not only will a new picture of God emerge as we yield, but the even braver, even stronger, even more authentic us will too.
Aug 9, 2018 | Bible, Children, Christianity, Discipleship, Discipline, Faith, Family, God, Grace, Parenting, Raising boys
I can’t wait to talk to my sons about girls, sex, dating – said no mom ever! I know, I get it. But I once heard a parenting expert explain your child’s understanding of these type of topics as files being opened in the filing cabinet of the brain. The file will be opened, named and will start containing information gleaned from what they hear, see and their environment. By being intentional about these awkward topics, we are in essence taking the initiative to “open the file”, thereby having a chance to input shaping information that is in line with our worldview, convictions, and morality. Every other piece of information that then comes into the “file” get’s tested against the truth that we put in first. Should we remove our intention we give way to the alternative, a view on women, dating, sex, shaped by the barrage of messaging, content and images that the world is consistently producing and offering up.
I didn’t want to write this. Newsflash: Being a boy mom is not dissimilar to being a girl dad. You experience the same fierce protective streak and compulsion to grab a shotgun. However gracious and “live and let live” you may appear you still secretly harbor the conviction that no one will ever be good enough for your offspring. Even if he is currently obsessed with slouchy pants and continues to be amused by his own farts.
So you can imagine my reticence when The Elder returned from Holiday Club with a hand full of notes secretly passed (some things never change). He had an expression somewhere between bemused and confused on his face as he read me a note from one girl who asked to wear his beanie, another his jacket. When I asked “what do you think about that son?” and he said “I guess they like my clothes?” Ummm, I realized I had some work to do in helping him work out how he should respond. Because how he respond doesn’t just affect him, but as he is being shaped by this interaction so are the girls he is interacting with, all of them at an age that is forming the neural pathways and emotional understanding of those interactions for years to come. Yes, we have ticked the boxes on the body and sex conversations. But this blog is about the fuzzy stuff. The stuff I want him to keep in mind as my son, as someones’ future boyfriend, as someone’s future husband. So here is what I told The Elder about girls…so far….
Be honourable – Every night before my boys go to sleep I say to each of them: “You are my treasure”. And so I have told The Elder that he must remember that when he is interacting with a girl, she is also someone’s treasure too, her mom’s, her dad’s, and God’s. And all treasure must be seen as precious and must be handled with care. Every person we encounter is an image bearer.
Be kind – “respond to girls in a way that protects them and protects you”. My son is 11, an age where possibly there is a disconnect between the feelings he has and his ability to express them. So arming him with “scripts” that enables confident responses that are also kind is how we have chosen to help him. For example: “ I am too young to have a romantic relationship, but I would enjoy getting to know you as a friend. “ or “I am too young to have a girlfriend, but I know how to be a good friend so let’s do that instead.”
Be a gentleman – Even as a 40-year-old woman, I can still recall valentines day slights, offhand comments that I shouldn’t have heard, boys being insensitive boys, all of these things I remember from being an insecure pre-teen girl. So if I am going to be the mom of a pre-teen boy, maybe I can spare some girl having similar, shaping, sore memories. My boys don’t have sisters, but they have 3 girl cousins, and a slew of friends who are like family, so when I tell them to treat every girl like she is Lila, Isabel, Jua, Hannah, Sophia or Ava, Pia or Sienna, they get it (please Lord Jesus, I hope they get it!). I take pains to help them make sure the little girls in the class that the boys know might not get anything for Valentine’s day gets something, albeit anonymously. I (try) to keep sexist joking and name calling out of the house and discourage them (strongly) from participating in it at school.
In a world of man-bashing (mostly rightly so) we as boy moms should try to encourage positive masculinity and chivalrous behaviour that has nothing to do with long-dead ideas about men and women, but has everything to do with very much alive #everybodyalways #kindnessalways thinking and the golden rule of putting others first that helps our boys to shine a light in the world.
Be careful – puberty and its company of feelings and hormones are hard to manage. And in the right (and by that I mean the wrong) situation, it can be like a car rolling down a hill, i. e hard to stop. Encountering attraction and trying to understand it is tricky for boys, so sound advise for this life stage is to stay in a group. “Don’t put yourself in a compromising position!” For now we steer clear of concepts like “dating” or “going out” until a more appropriate age.
Be aware – “Not only are you as a boy going to be dealing with your own growing awareness of the opposite sex, but you will also be dealing with girls who are going through the same thing.” In every person, the outside is most often a reflection of what is going on on the inside. So I told my son than when he encounters a girl who seems like she is overly desperate for male attention (albeit via what she wears or how she acts), give her a wide birth and keep a careful but kind distance. There are possibly things going on in her heart/life that you can’t help her with and that your attention is not the answer to.
Yes, the pre-teen and adolescent path is a messy meander of navigating confusing, overwhelming thoughts and feelings. However unpopular it might be, that’s where we as parents come in.
Make peace with the fact that you are going to be the good guy in your movie and the weird guy in theirs (there will be allot of “Awww Mom ! Gross ! I don’t want to talk about this with you!”), and launch as deeply as you can and as quickly as you can into the “girls” conversation. Yes, if you are a boy mom, leave the sex convo to the father/ father figure in your boys’ life. But when it comes to the emotive stuff, remember what it was like for you when you were a girl and use that as a jump-off point to help your boy be the kind of boy your 10-13-year-old self would’ve wanted to encounter.
Jul 27, 2018 | Balance, Bible, Christianity, Discipleship, Faith, God, Grace
Do you sometimes just feel a bit “at sea” spiritually? We might be calling out to God for a particular answer or wisdom in a situation, but the answer or way forward seems hidden or unclear. We might be in a season of waiting where we desire to experience God’s comfort, but we come up empty. We might be desperate to see God move in our lives but our spiritual vision seems dim, our hearts a bit disconnected. Like a fuzzy spot in our vision, a dirty blemish on the horizon of our faith experience, we just feel like somethings missing.. like we can’t see the full picture…do you know this feeling Momma? It’s like being at the bottom end of the line up in a game of broken telephone.
Last week my morning coffee was interrupted by a whale sighting. “Fetch the binocs” I yelled, and I fumbled with them as I kept my eyes on the exact spot where I had just seen the glorious breach! But as I was peering intently there was a fuzzy bothersome black spot in my eye line. An eyelash? Are these binocs broken? No amount of adjusting that little knobby in the middle (yes, ok, I do not know the names of the parts of a set of binoculars! And if I did I would only confess it to someone with one of those “I brake for birds” stickers on their cars!) brought the precious whale into focus. And just as I decided to make peace with the fact that my vision won’t be clear because I am a binocs idiot, The Elder pointed out (in the tone of voice that you’d expect from an 11-year-old) that one of the lenses still had the lens cap on it. #facepalm
Suddenly it all made sense, the black fuzzy dot was gone, and I feasted on an amazing display of a very playful Southern Right Whale! I felt invigorated, in awe, inspired, like I was just let into God’s inner circle. Something I won’t soon forget.
There are a few things that can “cover the lens cap” of our vision, bringing blurriness and fuzzy lines to our journey with Jesus.
- Frustration: Sounds like a small thing? It was big enough for Moses to miss his entire calling and promised land! We have God’s peace and we must guard it and guard against frustration that disables our ability to wait on God, hear from God, see God at work as we walk in step with the Spirit. If you’re wondering if you have frustration in your life try to “hear” if you are complaining more than usual and how often you use your hooter in the traffic. Life is frustrating, so are people. But our peace is precious and we must guard it, even at the end of a long day or in rush hour traffic.
- Wrong motives: Acts chapter 8 tells the story of Simon, who desired the things of God for his own benefit. Wisdom to be on display, God’s divine hand on his works to gain popularity. Do I desire the things of God for the sake of my own glory or His? Do I ask for wisdom out of my own poverty or for the sake of my own vanity?
- Envy, jealousy, comparison: A vicious distraction of our time, that steals our effectiveness, our calling, and our joy. It sets us against others emotionally, unable to rejoice or weep with them, encourage or comfort them, it disrupts unity and community and our inner peace and rhythm as well. I would go as far as to say this: Our propensity for comparison is a “pattern of this world” that we are unwittingly conforming too, thereby disabling our ability to discern (see clearly) the will of God. (Rom 12 v 2). How much more clear perspective would you have on yourself, your path, your journey if you stopped comparing it to the girl next to you?
- Fear: There is only place in our lives for a reverential fear of the Lord. But sometimes we fear the future, people’s opinions, failure, suffering, uncertainty and it clouds our perspective. In a sense what you fear becomes your god, instead of God. When we live with a holy fear of the Lord, our path and perspective is clarified (Ps 25 v 12- 13)
- Unforgiveness: I know this is a no-brainer, but I also know first hand this is by far the hardest. This is what I preach to myself and to others when it comes to forgiveness: Forgiveness is accepting the apology you will never receive. And if God holds nothing against me thanks to Jesus, why should I hold something against someone else?
- Bitterness: Stored up anger, resentment about bygone hurts or unjust treatment, once these take root in our hearts it can parasitically strangle all other growth in our lives, crack our foundation, suffocate the Breath of Life meant to oxygenate our fruit-bearing right out of us. Like with any weed the answer it to definitively and decisively pluck it out. Go back to point (5) Learn to let go. Walk (away) towards clarity.
Proverbs 29 v 18 tells us that when there is no vision, no revelation of God or His word, we can quickly find ourselves on a wrong path or a slippery slope. I heard it said once that dissatisfaction and discouragement are not caused by the absence of things but the absence of vision. With impaired vision, we can easily become distracted by short-term, shallow things and ideas and lose sight of God’s call on our lives and the meaningful and purposeful life He has for us. A clear vision helps us understand the purposes of our trials, so the devil wants nothing more than to keep our “spiritual sight” dim so our faith can be diminished instead of strengthened when trials come.
If one of these spots have found its way onto your life lense, I pray that you will:
Find time to reflect and look inward so that you can again look out outward with a more accurate perspective
That you would both repent (if you need to) and let go (if you need to) so that you can grasp a new revelation of how much God loves you. Fresh grace comes more fully into hands that are empty
May that once again bring the wide horizon of God’s love into clear view.
