Sep 8, 2019 | Activism, Bible, Children, Christianity, Faith, Family, Raising boys
My son saw the #metoo #amInext march in Cape Town last week on the news. The conversation went like this:
“Why are they marching Mom?”
“Because violence against women in South Africa is like an epidemic my son”
“But why Mom?”
“Because there is something fundamentally wrong in our society?”
“But why Mom?”
“Because my son, there is something fundamentally wrong in our hearts.”
I stand behind that protest 100%. But a protest is like a volume button, it get’s your attention. but making something louder doesn’t make it better. It is certainly no substitute for action (Yes this is actually also something I’ve spoken to my kids about). But action by whom? As a mom raising boys, I find myself at the coalface of where I believe the change must happen. Graca Machel was right as she addressed mourners at the memorial service of tragically slain student Uyinene Mrwetyana, when she said: “it is in our families”. The correction needs to happen much closer to home than in a courtroom or a police station or via some system or law. At home is where the shaping happens, make no mistake. Your home is the frontline where mutual respect (yes, boys should respect girls and yes girls should respect boys because people should respect each other. Bottom line ) is modeled or distorted, where we either uphold or disregard, instill or destroy the fundamental truth of our shared worth, value and humanity. We don’t need governments and systems to change. We need people to change. And we are people…raising people. That is actually why I wrote The Mommy Diaries, because we are raising kids in a complex world that is only set to become more so. But there is a way to live and lead in that complexity with courage and wisdom.
The hashtags of #metoo and #amInext and #femicide is a call to a higher standard of engagement. But as parents we must call ourselves to it if we are hoping to call our kids to it. And so I believe it is above everything not a call to governments and leaders, but a call to action directed at families, a call to parents.
It’s all of our responsibility to raise the kind of kids who appreciate the uniqueness, equality, dignity and value of the opposite gender. That doesn’t just happen.
It has never been more important to engage with our kids in a new and focused way around these things and to be intentional about it. So this is what I told my boys:
The way women are treated is an atrocity:
This is not limited to South Africa or certain communities or cultures. It’s true everywhere. And women have had enough. Our breaking point has been centuries in the making and now it’s here. And I want my boys to know why. It is based on certain misinterpretations of biology and theology, that didn’t take into account a full set of facts or context. Misinterpretations (i.e the “glasses” through which people “read” these things) that have been accepted as truths, but that are in fact lies. And I have no problem in calling them lies because the idea that women are somehow “less than” has no biological, cultural or scriptural basis. These lies have informed everything from how women are treated and paid, to where they are and aren’t allowed to be/ serve/work/play and have snowballed into the utter disregard with which they are hurt, abused, spoken of and to. These lies are present in homes, in businesses, in churches and in cultures. I know this first hand.
But the problem is not in how women are treated:
The true problem lies in the way women are viewed. The problem is deeper than history, than a culture of patriarchy, than biases and blond jokes. Because all of those things find their origin in one place, in the way one person sees another person. In that sense racism, xenophobia (another evil that rocked our nation again this week) and femicide/ gender based violence is not that different. Because at their root they all find their origins in the way one person sees another person. And as is always the case, the way you see someone else is most often based on how you see yourself. If you see someone as less than, it’s because you see yourself as “more than”. If you see someone for some reason as less deserving, it’s because you see yourself as more deserving.
So yes, it’s important that we address equality, pay equity, femicide and all those good and essential things, but lets make no mistake, real change happens in a different direction.
I don’t want to raise boys who know how to behave in a way that honors, values and respects women. Having the good manners to not tell blond jokes and not hit girls is not the same as holding firm to a fundamental believe that all people are worthy of honor, value and respect.
Because ultimately if we wish to see changes in our society, in legislation, in our communities, there can be no fundamental change effected on that level if we don’t dig down a little deeper and try to affect change at a heart level.
Change will not come through laws and loudspeakers if it doesn’t first come in hearts and homes
Always fight lies with truth:
This is the definition of truth in our house: God’s opinion about EVERYTHING. And if God sees everyone the same so should we. His opinion is that we are all equal (Gen 1 v 27/ Deut 10 v 17/ Rom 2 v 11/ Gal 3 v 26 – 29) and have equal standing with Him.
In God’s eyes we are endowed with worth not because of this or that attribute but because of His likeness in us and His love for us. It is not dependent on status, race, gender or culture. This is something that is true of every human person.
God gives us a different lens through which to see the world. In fact Jesus in word and deed was an example to us in how women are to be regarded and treated in society, in defiance of the social, judicial and religious customs of His day. In all things He is the embodiment of what loving others should look like. Jesus shows us that our lens must never be culture, or history, or tradition or popular opinion. The examples that proves that there is no “less than” attitude in the bible when it comes to women are too many to mention, but I like to throw some at the boys from time to time just to make sure they know: “The first person Jesus told He was the Christ was a woman, the first person He appeared to after He rose from the dead was a woman. Oh, and just incase you were wondering what God thought about women consider this: none of you would even be here if it wasn’t for us”.
The call on all of us is to regard everyone not by what we see on the outside, but by the truth of them as spiritual beings (2 Cor 5 v 16) and image bearers. Misogyny (and yes, my kids know what misogyny is because they understand prejudice. Thank you South African Public schooling) is based on a skewed idea of worth that we can only correct by acknowledging a higher truth.
Consider carefully, don’t consumer carelessly or accept mindlessly:
When we say things like “the problem is in society or culture or whatever” what we are often trying to communicate is that something has been “normalized” over time to a point where it is accepted. If we do not pinpoint those “accepted lies” and reveal them, they will hide in our hearts forever. That is why I encourage the boys to look and think a little deeper whenever I get a chance.
At a recent school prizegiving, a Gr 7 girl in The Elder’s class received an award for taking the most wickets in a cricket match at provincial level. Even though my kids attend a wonderfully integrated and dynamic school, there was still that ripple of suprise that went through the audience, and it made me chuckle a little. But it also presented a great object lesson for the boys. Why shouldn’t a girl perform well on the cricket field, or any field? Look, I’d be the first to tell you I don’t enjoy watching women play rugby, for example! Because frankly if I wanted to watch women shoving and bumping at each other aggressively I’d much rather just go to the Woolworths Quality sale, am I right? But that doesn’t mean women shouldn’t play rugby, or go to space. I don’t want my boys to just mindlessly go along with what societal pack thing dictates as the “norm” and so I look for opportunities to challenge that thinking and to put forward this truth:
Roles, jobs, positions and participation should be based on gifting, not gender! Always. Everywhere.
Our words reveal our attitudes and so I am pretty brutal when it comes to blond jokes, the use of phrases such as “women driver” and I strongly discourage the boys from listening to music that objectifies women. As an Afrikaans speaking female I am deeply horrified at how often in my culture songs contain those types of messages, but they serve as great object lessons to explain to the boys:
Make sure that even to the level of the content you consume and the jokes you tell you are reflecting the honor and respect that you yourself would like to be on the receiving end of.
Recognize and respect:
I tell the boys to pay attention to the contributions of not only the women in their lives (there are some epic ones!) but also the women in our world. Reading female authors, watching female athletes and considering the specific strengths and traits of the girls and women in their world that they admire. Not in an “anything boys can do girls can do better” kind of way, then all we are doing is swinging the pendulum the other way. That also doesn’t reflect respect or value. But in a way that sensitizes them to recognize and respect women equally in a culture and society that is possibly not set up for that to happen naturally.
We have the power to change things.
In a world of man-bashing (mostly rightly so), we as boy-moms should try to encourage positive masculinity and chivalrous behaviour that has nothing to do with long-dead ideas about men and women, but has everything to do with the heart attitude that there is never a reason to be mean, that kindness is always the best response, and the golden rule of putting others first that helps our kids to shine a light in the world.
When we sensitize our boys to inherent biases I believe we are actually empowering them. It equips them with an understanding of the world that helps them make sense of things, and an understanding of themselves that helps them grow. The power for real change lies not in the pressure we can put on a government or system or institution. Because at a fundamental level it’s not society, history or culture that govern what we do and don’t to, it’s what we have accepted as true, have bought into on a belief/ heart level.
It is only change at a heart level that helps us see things differently. Only then can we do things differently.
Aug 21, 2019 | Uncategorized |
People are often surprised to hear that 3 of my closest friends (shout out Vicki, Nina and Reneé) are friends from my Primary School, High School and Varsity days. It’s a bit like telling someone that you still have a Hotmail account. Or a Tamagotchi. And it prompted me to try to understand what is present in these friendships that has not only allowed them to stand the test of time, but that has made them grow. I can tell you it’s not because of me! Most cases it’s in spite of more like! It’s not because any of us are flawless, we aren’t (although truth be told those 3 come pretty close!), or have not hurt one another or let each other down, because we have, and we do. It’s not because we stayed interested in the same things – we didn’t. It’s not because we believe in the same things – we don’t. It’s not because we stayed in the same geographical place, we didn’t. And it’s not because our life seasons have coincided, they didn’t. So it seems to me that all the conventional “rules for friendship” are not necessarily always the structures and behaviours that truly sustain lasting and thriving friendships.
When I started writing The Mommy Diaries, there was no doubt in my mind that I needed to include a chapter on friendship. There are lessons that I learned about friendship pretty late in my life that I wished I had learned earlier. And it seems to me when I talk to fellow moms, women that are younger than me and even women a couple of life stages ahead of me, that friendship remains a deep need and often times a huge challenge for kids and grown-ups alike and especially (and sadly) for us as women.
So here is what I discovered. As far as I can tell there are five things we did, and we keep doing that have helped these relationships survive and thrive. Five things that are reciprocal (meaning both friends do them, not just one), five things we grew into and now consistently do. They are:
We SUPPORT each other:
Support means taking an interest in people’s lives, goals, projects, relationships, career and being there for them through life’s ups and downs. Support means sticking around, even when it’s inconvenient, even when it’s not about you; actually, especially then. Support means getting on board with stuff, listening in order to understand more than for the sake of responding. Support means setting aside judgements and agendas.
We SERVE each other:
Yes, I am talking about actually doing things for people. Service means showing up! Service requires sacrifice, and if Jesus’ example is anything to go by, that is the definition of love – and that is what Jesus calls us to (John 15 v 17) A lot of people only manage superficial friendships because loving people requires too much of us. People are a lot of work – I know I am. I love (and also don’t love) the way Anne Voskamp puts it –
To love is to be inconvenienced.
Anne Voskamp
Most often, service is sacrificial, it “costs” you something. Most often, service is a declaration much more than words are, because when we serve people we put them first. And so service is always, always a declaration of love.
We CELEBRATE (with) each other:
When it comes to friendship, you should consider celebration the opposite of competition. Celebrating the victories and wins, the passions and plans of others is a gift we give them that declares that we put them above our own desires, validations and need to be first. It’s hard but precious. If you can’t be happy for your friends when they achieve or obtain things you might have wanted for yourself, your friendship will not survive. Trust me I know! One way to bring distance in a friendship is to allow our own jealousies, insecurities or need to compete to keep us from celebrating someone else’s journey.
We SUFFER together:
As in we share in one another’s suffering. Because suffering cements friendships. Being there for people when they go through something hard or sad or bad will bring you closer together and it builds trust. Now, let’s be honest, friendship becomes very one-sided when one person is suffering. Sticking around when there is little in it for you and when it actually requires something of you is a declaration of your love for that person. Sometimes its showing up (ideally with food, oh and wine, not advice), and sometimes it’s just about sitting supportively and prayerfully on the riverbed of someone else’s pain. And reciprocally, letting someone sit with you in your suffering. Sometimes we lack the courage to be vulnerable with our friends, but when we are brave enough to open up about what we are going through, the relationship is by and large deeper and more meaningful because of it.
We give each other SPACE:
Because it’s good to let things breathe. Just because you are besties with someone doesn’t mean you have to talk all the time, be together all the time, or do everything together or have a whatsapp group (heaven help me!) with one another. Giving people space means we do not put on them an expectation to constantly validate us or our friendship. It means the truth of the friendship is based on more than just how much time we spend together. It means that when problems arrive, we ask, “Will this still matter 1 year from now?” and if not, then we let it go.
It should be clear from this list that all of these things have some element of action to them, that these things take time and effort. Also, considering our busy lives, these things are really hard to “fit in”. They do not come easily, and they do not happen by themselves. And they are all “other focused”.
One of the reasons I wrote a chapter on friendship for my kids in my book is because we often approach friendship with the wrong expectations (i.e this is about my needs), inevitably setting ourselves up for hurt and disappointment. But when we understand that friendship is not singularly about us, our feelings and our needs, but that it has a higher purpose that could bring precious wealth and depth to our journey through this life, then we also approach it differently. King Solomon, the wisest person who ever lived, gave this sage advice about making friends: If you want to have friends, you must be a friend. If you sign up for the effort you will be rewarded not just with a friendship that will grow and thrive beyond your expectations, but you yourself will grow and thrive.
What is the state of your friendships Momma? I can tell you from experience when we make ourselves vulnerable by sowing into friendships, by allowing ourselves to be challenged and by giving of ourselves in service and support, by making the first move and being the ones who place value on people, there is always a reward of depth, a harvest of more precious community. My prayer for you is that you will find the time, scratch that, make the time to make the first move in your friendships, to support the phenomenal women you get to do life with and (re) commit to them, to bask in the safe harbour of female fabulousness amidst your own personal posse of fierce females who have done it all and seen it all and are still right there, walking with you, celebrating with you, cheering for you, praying for you, having grace with you, while you do the same with for them.
Jul 5, 2019 | Uncategorized
How do you pray for your enemies? Don’t worry, as much as you never thought you’d read a post about this, I never thought I’d write one. Considering that you might have an enemy is like considering that you might go bald. Not a fun thought. Something you’d pay money to avoid if you could. I went through most of my adult life never considering the concept of an enemy. Sure, I am not everyone’s cup of tea, but you know what, everyone is not my cup of tea either and I am cool with both of those things. I don’t subscribe to the idea that everyone should like me and I try not to spend too much mental energy worrying about it.
But nowhere in this equation is a concept even remotely as harsh as “enemy”. It’s totally the kind of word you want to put in air brackets, the kind of word you want to whisper, the kind of word you wish you never had to say. The concept feels harsh, even the word does. By virtue of it’s composition it’s said through straight unsmiling lips, mean lips, like a hard line drawn. Despite my snarky personality I am a fairly peace-loving sort, always a tiny bit judgy of people whose lives attract a lot of drama (you know those people) and secretly relieved that there has been very little drama in my life. Until there was drama in my life. Have you ever had the kind of drama that produces an enemy?
I think for the most part most people don’t go out determined to make an enemy, and when there is conflict you do your best to resolve it peaceably (Rom 12 v 18) and to forgive quickly (Col 3 v 13). But even if you do all of those right things you can come out on the other side knowing that that particular person or people have set their hearts against you and will continue to view you as an enemy, regardless of what you do or don’t do, say or don’t say and most of all regardless of how you view them. With even just a kernel of discernment you would be able to tell, even feel, the emotional or even spiritual opposition that hides behind even the most eloquent manners and socially appropriate noises.
And let’s be perfectly honest with each other, even when you’ve forgiven someone who has sinned against you, your heart and healing don’t just happen overnight. Far from it. What’s more, forgiveness is a decision of the will, primarily a decision to be obedient, not by any stretch a decision that follows a feeling. In fact the feeling of wanting to forgive might never catch up with your decision to do it anyway. That is because forgiveness is always costly.
“…God’s grace and forgiveness, while free to the recipient, are always costly for the giver…. From the earliest parts of the Bible, it was understood that God could not forgive without sacrifice. No one who is seriously wronged can “just forgive” the perpetrator…. But when you forgive, that means you absorb the loss and the debt. You bear it yourself. All forgiveness, then, is costly.”
― Timothy Keller
And so, as you process the hurt, as you bare what has occurred, as your flesh learns to walk in the spiritual act of forgiveness, you may find yourself in dark and dangerous moments where you are still sore and angry, where the person who hurt you or hurt those you love looks like ,no feels like, nothing but an enemy. We’ve all been there. And because I have been there, I can tell you, at those vulnerable moments, prayer is our biggest and most powerful weapon. Prayer is our path towards the light. A path we have to choose again and again if we want to be truly free.
So here is my take on it: I have one rule when it comes to buying birthday presents for my friends. I think it’s a rule most of us follow whether we are aware of it or not. We most often buy things for other people that we ourselves love or would love to have. And it’s this same logic that I have applied as I have learned to move forward in the deliberate act of obedience in praying for those who have hurt me, waiting for my heart to catch up. I pray a prayer for my enemies for the things I most desire, the things I pray most for myself, the prayer I hope those who love me would pray for me, a prayer for the things I believe we all need the most.
I keep that prayer short and simple. I keep it at the ready. Because those feelings that come up when you think about what happened or are reminded of your hurt, they are like the few extra kilos that look like they came out of nowhere after your Christmas break. It’s just there all of a sudden. Consider it a mantra, if you will, to ward off those bitter thoughts and feelings that creep up on us like the extra weight of festive season indulgences. Here is the prayer I immediately offer:
That’s it. Because what better gift is there than the gift of peace?
And what more could we ask out of life than to be guided through and helped by God’s Spirit?
And what bigger present could one receive than the ability to hear God speak?
One of the biggest things we can do for those we love is to pray for them. An unseen and unknown act of love and sacrifice that reaps fruit no one will ever give you credit for. And I think when scripture says in Mathew that we “love our enemies” (Matt 5 v 43 – 45) this is an active way of doing that.
Maybe there are other things you pray for yourself and for those you love. I am assuming if you have an “enemy” you have done the work (and let’s face it, it’s work) of forgiveness. But as you walk out of the pit of hurt, why not pray for your enemy the things you pray for yourself, for those you love most. It’s a way of truly taking your thoughts, you know the ones, of revenge, retribution, of rehashing the hurt (thoughts you have no business thinking) captive and guiding your feelings to line up with your spirit and God’s truth.
That is the Kingdom economy in action, that is the “on it’s head” logic of grace that Jesus taught and lived, that we are called to. That is how we turn the other cheek, extend grace, and fully and properly mess with the Devils persistent plan to let our feelings lead us off track. This prayer can get you back on track, towards healing, towards peace, not just for you but also for whomever you are praying for.
And soon, maybe not as soon as you hoped, but soon, you will experience the turning of your heart. I pray that happens for you.
“Our prayers may be awkward. Our attempts may be feeble. But since the power of prayer is in the one who hears it and not in the one who says it, our prayers do make a difference.”
Max Lucado
Jun 3, 2019 | Uncategorized
The wierdest thing happened to me last year. I got one, singular, black hair on my chin. I am not even joking. I called my mom, in full blown panic mode (wondering, am I the only one? Please no! Is this 40? Really? They should stop saying 40 is fabulous if 40 is actually hairy…and scary! Talk about false advertising) and also full of resentment (because there HAS TO BE SOMEONE I can blame for this and she was my obvious choice!).
Thankfully that wasn’t the only weirdest thing that happened to me in 2018. The other thing was that a publisher called and asked if I would consider turning some of my blogs into a book on parenting. I laughed. I silently mouthed the word WHAT at no one in particular. Then I asked her if she was sure that she dialed the right number. Because the truth is that my parenting journey is more misses than hits, more mishaps than magical moments and more therapy worthy interactions than Pinterest worthy inspiration. And aren’t parenting books supposed to be written by like, experts? People who have studied to have an opinion?
But if you follow me on social media (i.e if you’ve seen me post pictures of my zits, my workouts and the notes my kids get in their lunchboxes!) then you will know that I said YES. Yes to writing a book. Yes to being honest with other moms and with myself. Yes to the open door that God in His grace deemed it to be time for in my life. So that is the reason my last blog was in January (said with no small amount of shame) and it’s the reason for this post. According to my dentist it’s also the reason why I now have very worn down teeth. Apparently late night typing and teeth grinding go hand in hand. Who knew?
So why did I write this book? Parenting is the one thing we all want to be good at. Or at least better at. But it’s also the one thing that is just flat out hard. Much harder than anyone ever tells you. Add to that the fact that our kids are growing up in a world that is vastly different than the one we grew up in (and changing fast), and you will quickly find yourself parenting in the defensive, constantly on the back foot as you face issues your parents never had to face and field questions you haven’t even figured out answers for. So how DO we equip them to face complex social issues in an ever-changing world in a way that grows them and instills in them the values that we hold dear, such as kindness, integrity, courage, gratitude, respect? Could we use the challenges they face on the playground or on the sports field to do that? (Spoiler: yes, we can and my book will show you how!) Secondly, considering the brief amount of time we have them with us, how do we lay a foundation in them that with strengthen them against the storms that will inevitably come into their lives, equipping them with everything good to do God’s will (Heb 12 v 21) and helping them make Jesus the cornerstone of their understanding of the world? (Spoiler: the book covers this also! I am nothing if not thorough!)
If you are like most moms I know, maybe you don’t have much time for reading. The parenting books you do own (that you may or may not have read, no judgement here!) were all written by experts. Now there is not a lot that I’m an expert on. But I am an expert on messing up as a mom, over analysing my mistakes, praying and pleading about my parenting with the Lord, and of course the gold standard skill of all moms: worrying. So if any of this sounds like you’re parenting journey, then this is the book for you. It’s not the kind of book you have to sit down and read. You don’t need a degree. You don’t even need a notebook or a big chunk of time. You can just open the table of contents and run your finger along a list of what is hopefully relevant/ useful topics, pop to the page that addresses the issue you are wondering about/ facing/ getting ready to face/ worrying over and dip in right there. Here is a list of the topics covered.
God’s directive to us as parents is clear:
Love God, your God, with your whole heart: Love him with all that’s in you, love him with all you’ve got! Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home, walking in the street, talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. (Deut 6 v 5 – 8 MSG).
And this directive was the blue print for this book, a parenting book written by an actual parent. Not an expert, not a psychologist, not a pastor but a parent. It was born out of real conversations, every day comings and goings and the very real conviction that the call of Deutoronomy 6 is a call of action and intention. It’s a book written by a real mom, with real struggles, wresting with what it means to raise kids, learning to rest in an awesome God. If this sounds like something you could use, you can head to the SHOP menu to order one (South African readers only – sorry) or get it on Kindle.
Dec 30, 2018 | Uncategorized
You’ve barely (guiltily, mock-begrudgingly) worked your way through the Christmas leftovers, and your skinny jeans seem to be really upset with you. You know you are about to fail the ultimate female test of being able to zip those babies up! There is a mountain of scrunched up, used wrapping paper as a passive-aggressive reminder that you wanted to start recycling in 2018. But you didn’t. You’ve barely managed to steady yourself after the mental and emotional rollercoaster that was “Christmas with the family” – you know – not the Instagram version, the one where you have to buy things you can’t afford, eat food your thighs can’t afford and hang out with people that you don’t really like. The leftover mince pies assisted you in recovering from the trauma.
And then there is the laundry. Don’t even get me started on the laundry.
And now we’re supposed to snap into “News Years Resolutions” gear? I can’t even. The things I have “To Do” overwhelm me every single day of the year, and then I have to come up with a new list of more existential, more meaningful things “to do” by the time the new year rolls around?
So this year I decided to come up with a list of what not to do.
- Don’t drink bad coffee or bad wine. Life really is just too short for that.
- Stop worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. Try to catch yourself every time you do it. Here is a question to ask yourself: In this new year, what would happen if I stopped worrying about money/ my kids/ my marriage/ my future/ my career path? I don’t mean “don’t worry about it” in the sense that you stop caring, no! But don’t confuse caring with worrying. Worry is a passive, sinking weight. Caring is an intentional, uplifting action. Fact: Most of the things we worry about never even happen!
- Don’t discount your daily, small acts of faithfulness and obedience. Not the ones in front of the congregation or for the sake of this or that ministry. But the other ones, you know, the behind the scenes, in the kitchen, in traffic, at the office ones that make up most of your life. It’s in those that God is at work with and in us.
- Don’t wear golf shirts unless you are actually playing golf or slippers unless you are actually heading for bed at night or heading to the coffee machine in the morning. Both of those are universally unflattering and don’t belong in public spaces.
- Don’t be too hung up on potential or ability. Remember the 5 loaves and the 2 fish? Remember the short ginger with the slingshot and the pebbles? God is not so much bothered with how awesome you are, more with how available you are.
- Don’t compare, especially not according to lifestage! Every single person’s journey is different. Samuel L Jackson only became an A list actor in his 40’s, Ang Li (Who directed Life of Pi and Sense and Sensibility) was a stay at home dad before becoming an Oscar darling age 41. We steal so much from our own journey and experiences when we constantly compare what we know about ourselves with what we don’t know about the journey of another.
- Stop saying nasty things to yourself. You wouldn’t talk to your bestie or your mom or your daughter like that. Speak to yourself the way you would to them
- Don’t explain yourself to people who have already made up their mind about you. Jesus didn’t.
- Don’t be rude to your kids. Treat them with the same manners and courtesy you are trying to teach them to have with others.
- Don’t let anyone steal your peace in 2019. Not Julius Malema or Dawie Roodt or the headlines or your neighborhood whatsapp group or that “friend” who always asks you when you’re planning on having kids/ planning on having another kid/ planning to try for a girl/ planning to try for a boy! Your peace was hard won, paid for and given to you as a gift (John 14 v 27). Treat it like that, like it’s something to be treasured, kept safe and appreciated.
- Don’t entertain too many thoughts that start with “I should”. Let go of should. Your value is in Christ, not in your ability to live up to your own ridiculous standards. Silence that critic like you’re that french dude at Wimbledon, loudly and with feeling – “silence s’il vous plaît!”
- Don’t hold on to the failures and faults of 2018. If you carry that with you it will only give you backache or indigestion or worse. Let that stuff go. Pray like David did in Psalm 25 v 11 “For the honor of your name Lord, never count my sins, and forgive them all – lift their burden off my life” (TPT)
Go with God lovelies, you’ve got this and God’s got you! This year you can do the bravest and the best, which is to live hour by hour in obedience, from promise to promise in faith.
