..and no, it’s probably not because you’re not trying hard enough.
No shade, but I don’t buy into the new year/ new you nonsense. And that is not because I don’t like resolutions, in fact, I am a huge fan. I have a whole bookshelf full of journals and a stationary bill to prove that a new year does not, in fact, equal a new you. Resolutions contain the matter of our values and aims, and without something to aim for, well, you are just like a guy playing darts with a blindfold on. That’s true.
But, and this is a big but, resolutions in themselves hold no transformative power. The things that kept you from pursuing Christ in His word, putting Jesus first, making time to read or disciple your kids, saying no to that second piece of cheesecake or third glass of wine and yes to a jog around the block are still there. They do not magically disappear because the date changed and you wrote some stuff down.
Our resolutions often peter out by February like a 40-something woman by 9PM. And that is why, so often, we turn back to that neatly written list halfway through a year only to realise: This was just a prop to prop up my fears at the start of a new year. It was all for show. Like a politician’s Bible.
Here’s why I believe our resolutions don’t work:
- They address behaviours and not beliefs. We seldom do the deep introspection of asking ourselves why we have allowed our health to diminish and our weight to increase, and what it is behind those 4 pm cravings and the long work day with no time for exercise at the end of which we inevitably drown ourselves in Netflix. Instead, we put “exercise more” and “eat less” on our resolutions for the year. Look at your resolutions today and ask yourself, what kept me from doing these things last year? What is the belief/ lie/ conviction/ attitude I am holding to that is keeping me from progressing? This is something I speak about a lot in the Mommy Diaries because we do this with our kids too. We address the behaviour without addressing the cause of the behaviour and so we don’t give our kids (or ourselves, as the case may be) the tools to actually change.
- They can seem very pass-fail. Let’s say we set a goal to have a daily time of devotion. Often the result is that we believe we have only succeeded if we had time in God’s word at 5 AM for 30 days straight. See? Pass/ fail. Which kinda makes you wanna give up, right? Here’s something I think is better. What if instead we gently corrected our priorities (and diaries) so as to gently direct our time and therefore our effort towards putting God first more regularly instead of less regularly? What if instead of setting a finite goal we identified an area where we know we need to do some intentional work and aimed for progress in that area? Then, if you managed 3 quiet times this week and 4 next week, that is a pass, not a fail, if your goal was “Spend more time in God’s word” and not “Have quiet time every day”. Ya feel me?
- We try to go it alone. Most often with our white-knuckle-willpower and the latest self-help book under one arm. But life change comes from heart change and heart change comes from God. Your growth in discipline, maturity and character is not a DIY Project. The transformation we seek is valid, but the means by which we seek it are often insufficient. We need Jesus to transform us into His likeness, and resolve alone isn’t enough. The Bible tells us to “commit our plans to the Lord” (Prov 16 v 3), and it’s a verse we love quoting at this time of the year! But here’s where we go wrong: to “commit our plans” does not mean to make our plans, piously pray about them and then go on our way. That word “commit” is the Hebrew word “galal”, which means to roll away or roll down a burden, the way a camel, in order to lay down a heavy load, must kneel down and tilt over so as to roll its heavy load onto the ground. So to commit our plans to the Lord means surrendering them to Him in recognition of our need of Him in every area. How would you approach your goals differently if you had a greater sense of your dependence on Christ?
- Our new year’s resolutions most often reflect our discontent. I am not saying there is anything wrong with desiring change but 1) often the change we desire is circumstantial or external and 2) the real power for change actually lies in contentment. Not discontentment. So we enthusiastically (even spiritually) set those – often external, often circumstantial – goals and then say “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Phil 4 v 14). But if we ever read this often misquoted verse in context this is what we would see: The thing Paul was able to do through the strength Christ gave him was to be content in all circumstances, with a little, with a lot, with abundance or with need. Because THAT is what the strength of Christ is for. The strength of Chris is to power our contentment. Not our discontentment. But, if we read v 11 – 13 we would also see that Paul said he “learned” to be content. Learning implies a process. What would change about your new year’s resolutions if learning to be content was the driver and not your perpetual discontent?
Whether resolutions are your vibe or not, don’t place your hope in your ability to change yourself. Because if that was actually possible, Christ died for nought. If you believe what the gospel tells us about Him and about ourselves, that true transformation is only found in Him, what would you resolve to do this year? How would that truth change the focus of your resolutions from outward to inward?
Need inspiration? I once came up with a list of “what not to do” as my new year’s resolutions: read it here.