I read an article recently about a plus-size vlogger who put some body shamers in their place after they berated her list of what she calls her “Fat Girls Summer Dress Code”. As I have said before, fashion has long since been a way of reacting, protesting or showing support and it is by no means lacking in volume in it’s ability to communicate a message. So yay her!
But there is a fine line between not being ashamed to wear what you want and not wearing things that bring shame on you…an idea that possibly gets a little lost in the grand effort of making a “statement” with our clothes – the statement in this case being that there is no reason why larger women shouldn’t be able to wear crop tops. And I agree, there is no reason why they shouldn’t be able to. But why would they want to? Why would anyone want to? Because let’s face it, regardless of how skinny you are, in a crop top you will always be sucking in your stomach, be reluctant to sit down, have a whole day of being overly aware of back sweat and struggling to get people to look you in the eye! None of that sounds like something any sane person would willingly choose! That is what makes this seem to me to be more like a misguided ploy for attention, you know, like writing an “open letter to” or wearing a onesy to the mall , more than an act of taking a stand on principle. But it’s hard to find our way sometimes, what with so many conflicting messages out there trying to guide our thinking about what we should and shouldn’ wear, what we can and can’t wear, what is beautiful, what is stylish! There is a whole industry dedicated to trying to mold and influence how we think about those things, and even in Christian circles there is little in the way of agreement, with many believers jumping on the bandwaggon with this rule, that guideline, this restriction.
But I think deciding what to wear is ultimately a values based decision just as much as deciding on your priorities or your definition of success is based on your values. The vlogger in question might not even know that she made a values based decision, but she clearly values her “message” over her modesty, her “rights” over her comfort. Which made me consider what values my fashion choices should be based on.
My alignment with Scripture…
Light – as opposed to darkness – something my demeanor and clothing choices should always reflect. (Matt 5 v 16)
Considering setting aside personal liberty so as not to be a stumbling block to another (Rom 14 v 13-23),
Considering modesty in what my clothing communicates and my own motives in that (1 Tim 2)
Remembering where my worth, identity and acceptance lies (Rom 15 v7), not in the changeable but in the
Remembering who I represent – not just myself (2 Cor 5)
Always prioritising the inner work over the outer work, remembering that that is where God looks (1 Sam 16 v 7)
Stewardship in context, remembering that my spending is a reflection of my heart (Matt 6 v 21), that I am accountable to God in how I spent what He has given me, and that God values the discipline of simplicity that is sensitive to the context of my country and it’s socioeconomic challenges.
My People….
I have nothing to hide…and so just because some magazine might intimate that I shouldn’t appear on a beach with my cellulite uncovered doesn’t mean I can’t! Today I am more comfortable in my skin than ever before (a fact that has more to do with the fact that ahem I am almost 40 than it has to do with whatever shape I am actually in – believe me!). This means that I can manage some confident seaside frolicking with my boys on the beach in a bathing suit (provided it’s not actually one of those unreasonable get ups actually designed to torture normal females!) and that I don’t allow concerns over my stretchmarks to detract from making memories with my loved ones. Jeez it only took 20 years to get there! Although I don’t have girls I do have precious, gorgeous nieces, and I pray that
the way I and the other women in their lives talk about, live in and love our bodies speaks much louder to them about their own bodies than any magazine ever does and that they can embrace what they learn from our example much more than from some “body positive” intagram feed.
But that doesn’t mean I must bare all….Just because you can wear it doesn’t mean you should. Once I had to participate in a well known charity fashion show that is held at Melrose Arch every year. Unfortunately (actually no, fortunately) I do not have a picture of the outfit the designer (bless him!) initially wanted me to wear – which was a pare of gold sequenced hot pants and a halter top. I am not even kidding! Yes, it looked as corny as it sounds, and even though at that stage I guess couldn’ve gotten away with wearing it, I refused to, and eventhough my husband and my sons were not even at the fashion show, they were my reason for taking a hard pass on the hotpants. Don’t get me wrong, I have made many dubious fashion choices in my day (sorry Mom)! But on that night and as a rule, I like to keep in mind that I have a husband and 2 boys (one of which is rappidly edging towards teenager-dom and yes I write this with sense of impending doom) and the fact that I am his wife and their mom comes into play when I make decisions on how tight or loose, long or short, revealing or concealing something can be.
“Your dresses should be tight enough to show that you are a woman but loose enough to show that you are a lady” Edith Head
I value quality… and for me that means less is more (mostly because I can only afford a limited number of well made items. This is what my husband calls having champagne taste on a beer budget) . When I was in highschool I had one pair of jeans. (Seriously. I am not even joking. I was one of 5 kids and my dad was a pastor. ‘Nough said). My budget no name jeans were of such poor quality that they quickly buldged at the knees and sagged at the bum when worn! So I decided that I would only ever wear them if I knew I would be standing most of the time…like at chior practice. Stop.Laughing. I was 16! This was serious business. The minute I got my first waitressing job I started saving for a pair of quality, designer jeans. It took 9 months to raised that in tips. Much more than it was about any kind of “label”, it is the pleasure and weightiness of a good quality item that only improves with age (and that you can sit down in and stand up again in without being embarrased) that has directed my spending. The point? I have already in this challenge given allot of airtime to the consumer trap of more, and to the false ideals of impressing people with what we wear. But none of that takes away from the wisdom and enjoyment of high quality well made items!
My outward appearance is directed by my inner truth. Each year millions of dollars are spent trying to tell women what is stylish and beautiful and what the ideals are that they need to conform to or aim for. Without adequate self knowledge and a deep seated understanding of your worth you will always find yourself reacting to this, on the back foot so to speak. How can we be more proactive, pre-emptive, more able to withstand this onslaught?
In a workshop that I offer called “Style Grace and Presence” I talk about different style “personalities” that people have, that are in fact completely in line with their own unique inner workings and temperament. I encourage attendees to identify 6 words that represent their most significant core values that then becomes a template, not just for the outward appearance but also a guideline to govern goal setting, spheres of influence, styles of communication etc. With a better understanding of ourselves, what we deem to be important, our goals and dreams, I think we would be more equipped to craft a definition of style that is authentic and we would be less likely to be lead astray by what is presented as beautiful and acceptable in the media.I am more than what I wear. It doesn’t determine my value but it does communicate what I deem to be valuable.
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come – Prov 31 v 25
Faith is a walk before God and a walk before man. And often times that walk is a tightrope between taking enough care to not seem careless but not making so much of it that it screams vanity. A balancing act between owning and acknowledging our femininity and “otherness” and not cheapening that and finding an inordinate amount of meaning, identity and worth in our appearance. If I learned anything during this WearWhatsThereChallenge it is that God wants to be and is involved in every area of my life, even what I wear, and that I am remiss in thinking that the way I approach that doesn’t say something about what I really believe.
It is in the area of appearance and apparel that – if we have the eyes to see it – we can see the most clear disconnect between what we say we believe and how we actually live.
There is no one size fits all here. As I have been challenged I want to challenge you to dress in a way that reflects all the inner awesome that God’s handiwork in your life produces, buy in a way that pleases your conciense and give enough thought to your appearance so as to keep you in line with the standards God has set for you when He made you the crown of creation. There is a place for freedom and there is a place for individuality. But as believers and as moms, I think our responsibility and sensibility around what we wear and how we dress should centre around principles and values that ultimately recognise both who we are as well as WHOSE we are.